God Made Us Family, Prozac Made Us Friends
What If the Hokey Pokey IS Really What It’s All About?
Liberal Arts Major..Will Think for Food
Don’t Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen
Gravity…It’s Not Just a Good Idea. It’s the Law
Love May Be Blind, But Marriage Is a Real Eye Opener
If at First You Don’t Succeed, Skydiving Isn’t for You
I’m Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes
A Day Without Sunshine is Like Night
Old Age Comes at a Bad Time
In America, Anyone Can Be President. That’s One of the Risks You Take
God must love stupid people…He made SO many.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
I don’t have a license to kill, but I do have a learner’s permit.
I like cats too. Let’s exchange recipes.
Red meat is not bad for you.Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
There are 3 kinds of people. Those who can count and those who can’t.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He who hesitates is constipated.
Reality is for people who can’t face science fiction.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Prunes give you a run for your money.
Born free…taxed to death.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
LOTTERY: A tax on people who are bad at math.
